Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The It Sucks to be Me Diet!

I hate to admit to it, but I DO like to keep it real, so here goes…

I’ve been using the fact that I’m working out as an excuse to eat crap. 

There…I said it.

Prior to exercising, I ate much better than I have been eating in the past few weeks.  In the beginning, I was being very careful about what I ate, but that’s all over with.  I will leave the gym, walk in the house and head right for the snack cabinet.  I’ve been rewarding myself with food.  Go to the gym…wag my tail…reward with food.  I know it’s bad so I’ve agreed to try a new diet.

Apparently Les Mills has come up with a diet challenge.  You know how they like to keep the torture fresh and new so nobody gets bored.  21 days to reset your body to a healthy pattern of eating.  Someone thought it would be funny to have me try it out and write about it.  They can’t possibly think this will be GOOD for business but I agreed because I want to be smokin’ hot.

Day 1 wasn’t horrible.  I missed my diet coke aka THE JUICE.  It’s my caffeine source and while I know all of the health nuts see the words “diet coke” as POISON IN A CAN, I have not been able to kick that nasty habit.  I pretty much breezed through the day until my oldest son had ice cream last night.  It took a little bit of self control not to lick his face.
Day 2 has been a little longer.  I am tired.  I have a headache.  I’m whining and sending messages like crazy asking what I can have.  I think MegHan has set up an automatic NO response to my messages.  I just wanted crab soup…jeez!  Protein and veggies…I am NOT seeing the problem with that.

I started thinking back to a story I heard about a guy in Tennessee.  He was known as the Big Bellied Rapist.  He confessed to 19 felony charges that led to a 60 year sentence.  NOW he is claiming that his interrogators used junk food to coerce him into confessing.  He claims that they only fed him lettuce for an extended period of time and he was so insane from the diet that it rendered him incapable of making a rational decision.  When they offered him chips and a soda, of course he confessed to 19 FELONY COUNTS.  They must have been some GOOD chips…and high octane soda, not the diet stuff.

When I first heard that story, I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard.  This can’t possibly work as a defense!  Who would confess to anything for a coke and some chips? 

Well, after 36 hours on this new eating plan, I might.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’d do 60 years for some run of the mill chips, but I may be willing to do 3-6 months for a brownie.

(I am not trying to make light of Mr. Big Belly’s crimes, only his ludicrous defense.)

But here’s another example of how dieting can get you in trouble:

LONDON, April 7 (Reuters) - An airline pilot arrested just before take-off on suspicion of being over the alcohol limit was not drunk and the diet he was on may have been to blame for the confusion, airline Virgin Atlantic said on Saturday.

Police arrested a 47-year-old pilot of a New York-bound Virgin Atlantic plane at London’s Heathrow airport after being tipped off by security staff who thought the pilot had been drinking.

An initial breath test showed that the pilot was over the alcohol limit, but his blood tests were negative according to the airline spokesman.  “The result showed the amount of alcohol in the blood was consistent with that of a non-drinker,” he said.

They said a diet the pilot had been on may have been the cause of the mistake. A laboratory that carried out the blood test on the pilot said some diets lead the body to generate increased levels of acetone.  The result of that would be the smell like alcohol on someone’s breath.

So not only could I go so crazy that I confess to a crime that I didn’t commit, but I could get a DWI?  I would be doing a public service if I backed away from the computer and ate a Twinkie RIGHT NOW.

And finally, The Mayo Clinic apparently did a study about the impact dieting has on our mental health.

"A group of emotionally healthy young women who did not need to lose weight agreed to live together in the clinic under a doctor's supervision while being fed a restricted diet for an extended period of time.”  Really?  They didn’t need to lose weight but agreed to be a part of this study?  Read on… “In less than 90 days the women's personalities had begun to change, they began experiencing unprovoked feelings of anxiety, persecution and hostility. Some had nightmares and others panic attacks. The doctor overseeing the study stated that he had 'created a group of neurotics'."

If you ask me, they were crazy to agree to a diet that they didn’t need to begin with, but whatever.

My point…because I have one…

I do NOT believe that diet should be a defense for committing a crime BUT please know that if at any time over the next 21 days, I confess to a crime, crash a plane or go bat crap crazy, it’s NOT MY FAULT.  Please send snack cakes. 

Thank you.

I’m off to BODY COMBAT.

1 comment:

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