Wednesday, August 1, 2012

More Chins than a Chinese Phone Book!

I have finally found something LESS appealing than exercise!
I heard an advertisement on the radio about a double chin study.  They were looking for people to participate in a clinical trial of a medication that could dissolve the fat that causes your double chin.  Surely, if my neck and chin were thinner, I wouldn’t have to step foot in a gym.  This was the opportunity of a lifetime!  Did I mention they were willing to PAY ME to make me look FAAABULOUS??  I went online and filled out the form.
I got a phone call a few days later from a lovely young lady who was calling to go over the details with me to make sure I still wanted to do it.  I don’t remember her name, so we’ll call her Lab Girl.  I was like an eager little puppy with a new best friend.  I was sure once they dissolved the fat in my chin and neck, that the fat from the rest of my body would flee in fear and I wouldn’t have to sweat.  PLUS, I’d have $ to buy new clothes and take my new BFF, Lab Girl, out for ice cream!  WIN/WIN!
These are not direct quotes, but the conversation went something like this:
*represents those voices that only talk inside of my head

LG:  I’m calling to go over the details of the program so you can make an informed decision.
*MY INNER CHILD:  She's in!  Make her thin!  Pass the cookies!
ME:  Okay
LG:  For the first 6 months you have to come twice per month.
ME:  Okay
LG:  The first visit typically takes a little over an hour.  They inject you with what is comparable to the bile in your gallbladder and BAM!…fat be gone.  The second is a follow up to check for side effects and give you your 50 buckaroos!  Whoop whoop! 
*MY INNER VOICE OF REASON:  They want to stick needles in our chin!  You could end up looking like Rocky Dennis!
*MY INNER CHILD:  Rocky Dennis is COOL – and you could end up looking like Cher!
ME:  Have you done prior studies?  Have there been a lot of side effects?
LG:  There is a chance of bruising, redness, swelling, etc. – so if you have somewhere to be where you want to look nice, you want to take that into consideration. 
*MY INNER VOICE OF REASON:  If you have anywhere to be for the next 6 months, you may want invest in a head wrap.
LG:  Of course there is also the 50% chance you could be injected with placebo.  You’ll still get your cash but your chin will still be fat.  Actually, it may be fatter since we’ve pumped it up with fluid. 
*MY INNER VOICE OF REASON:  just folds her arms and looks satisfied.
LG breaks the awkward silence as my inner selves throw a tantrum
LG:  If the FDA approves the medication after all of the clinical trials, you’ll be stuck with the real deal face needles for FREE! 
ME:  And what if the FDA doesn’t approve it?
LG:  Well then there isn’t much we can do about that.
*MY INNER CHILD:  You’ll have your $400 and a brand new friend!
*MY INNER VOICE OF REASON:  And more chins than you do now!
SO…because getting experimental needles in my chin is actually something that is less appealing than exercise, I figured it was time to stop trying to look for the magic and make some of my own.
I will NOT be injected with bile, nor will I be BFFs with Lab Girl.  I will learn something new and take a small step towards better health every day, and I will share the good, the bad and the funny of this journey with my friends.
We wish you health and lean necklines!
Me, Myself & I

No comments:

Post a Comment